As a Nigerian adult, you know December isn’t just a festive season; it’s the unofficial billing Olympics.
From matching aso-ebi for your partner’s cousin’s wedding, to paying for office hangout, to buying gifts for friends and family, to concert tickets and “detty December” plans, there’s always something demanding your hard-earned money.
It’s as if the universe is conspiring with sapa to make sure your January is full of shege. But fear not, because I have curated a guide to dodging these bills like the pro “shege survivor” you are. Let’s get into it!
Always Complain Like It’s Your Birthright
Nobody wants to bill someone who complains every five minutes.
When you make it a point of duty to complain about your financial situation every time you get a chance, the likelihood of getting billed will be next to impossible, except you have heartless people with PhDs in audacity around you, and for those, there’s step two..
Trade Your Flashy Phone for a ‘Torchlight’
See those your big phones that attract unnecessary attention, that your iPhone 14 Pro Max? It’s a walking billboard for billing.
Sell it and invest the money in preparation for next year’s shege. That way, nobody will suspect you’re a “billionaire in transit.”
Get a humble Nokia torchlight or TECNO that screams ‘leave me alone.’ Imagine someone asking for money while you’re using a phone that looks like it belongs in 2003. Exactly. They might even pity you and dash you money.
Buy Okrika Clothes
Like they always say at the “Okrika” stores, na mumu dey go boutique! Save your bank account the headache of buying designer clothes that will easily give you away as the next big thing in town and attract billing.
Buy “Okrika” wears and make it a point of duty to announce to everyone that cares to listen whenever they compliment you. You can say things like, “You’ll never believe how much/where I bought this outfit, it’s just 500 Naira o!”
Don’t forget to throw in that line about “making do with the little you have…” Nobody will dare ask you to contribute to any extravagant expenses when you’ve positioned yourself as the king or queen of thrift.
Avoid Calls Like a Pro
Screen all calls! That call from your cousin in the village? You know it’s not “Merry Christmas” they’re about to say but “I need money for New Year.”
Activate DND (Do Not Disturb) and return only those you’re certain will not end up billing you, and if you must respond, use WhatsApp texts where you can carefully craft excuses.
Go Solo: Break Up With Your Partner
Let’s keep it real. Being in a relationship is the major source of billing in December. Cut it off and enjoy the peace of mind that comes with being single!
Enjoy your money alone, you worked hard for it! Plus, you get bonus points for entering January without emotional or financial baggage.
RELATED: 4 Reasons Why You Should Stay Single In December
You’re not sure how to do that? Stay tuned for my next article where I’ll be providing you with updates on how to serve breakfast in December.
Dodging bills in December isn’t just about saving money; it’s about maintaining your sanity and starting January without having to sell your kidney.
Try these strategies, and watch how your December becomes peaceful and financially secure. Just remember to thank me when you’re sipping zobo in your house instead of crying in debt recovery meetings.
If you loved these tips and you’d like to get more, join the Dating and Relationship community on Fusion. But don’t go and fall in love in December o!
