I thought I’d seen it all but nothing prepared me for the shocking discovery that men also faked orgasms. How did we get here guys? I thought only women had custody of this art but nothing is as it seems.
A few guys shared their stories on how they’d faked orgasms to save face (how we got these guys to open up is a story for another day) and apparently, it’s been a long time coming. Here are some of the most shocking stories.
Kunle
I’ve had a crush on this babe since forever and it was a dream come true when I found out that she’s been into me for a while too. We eventually decided to hang out and see how things pan out. One thing led to the other and we ended up at her place.
I was super excited and just wanted to make sure she had an unforgettable experience with me (at least for first timers nah), so I went down on her, licking her plate and delivering on my mandate and it was all good until she decided she to return the favour, that’s where the problems began. She was an amateur and she was using her teeth carelessly, if you know what I mean.
I nearly died! I didn’t want to embarass her and at the same time, I was concerned for my future.
I had to think hard and fast. I eventually came up with the perfect escape idea – fake an orgasm. It wasn’t easy o but thank God for experience. That was how I was able to rescue myself from that situation.
I just moved on and blocked her everywhere the moment I left that place. Igi ewedu o ni wo pa wa…lol (directly translated as the stick of ewedu (jute mallow) will not kill us).
Yomi
Remembering my experience of faked orgasm gets me laughing every time. I’ve always bragged to my friends about how skilled I am in za oda room and how I have mastered the art of making the ladies cry in ecstasy.
I’d even threaten them by saying, “If you leave your girlfriend in my custody, she go collect and whatever happens afterwards is your fault, not mine.”
This went on for the longest time until my friends decided to do me dirty; they set me up with a real baddie, not those fake ones on social media o, I mean a real baddie. Omoo, it was not funny. I literally cried bro, real tears! I begged sef..
Initially, it was fun until it wasn’t. We had gone three rounds at a stretch and this babe wasn’t done, she was still full of energy as if we were just getting started. I don’t know if she was on drugs or something but she wouldn’t stop going like a maniac even after three hours.
I tried to negotiate with her but she didn’t seem to be hearing me, she just kept saying, “Cum for me Zaddy!” Haa, what does that even mean? I switched to begging, it still didn’t work.
At this point I was exhausted and had nothing more to give except my blood and she didn’t mind taking it. I just knew I had entered one chance. Desperate times call for desperate measures, so I decided to fake it. It was ridiculous but I faked the orgasm anyway and escaped death by whiskers. Since then, I avoid baddies like plagues…
Patrick
My wife and I have been buddies from day one and that’s how it is till date. Before we got married, we discussed our sexual expectations (cos she was a virgin and we agreed to keep it that way till we got married) from each other and we were cool.
But when we got married for some reason, she wasn’t really enjoying lovemaking and I could tell that she mostly did it for the culture. We talked about it and tried to get help to no avail and I sort of adjusted my expectations to match our reality.
After she gave birth to our second child, I don’t know what happened to her but I like it. It was as if something got unlocked in the process and she suddenly has this improved libido and capacity to enjoy sex.
It took some getting used to on my part to match her energy. On one of those occasions, we were going at it and I was really tired after the first round but she wasn’t. I didn’t want to disappoint her now, so I had to put up a front. It wasn’t easy that day; she was bringing her A-game and all I wanted to do was cuddle and sleep.
I found it hard to maintain an erection because oga was just rising and falling anyhow. My wife did everything in the rule book but it just wasn’t happening. I could have negotiated with her but I didn’t want to because I was feeling guilty since she had put in a lot of effort.
I decided to take charge as if I could perform some magic, well it didn’t work either so I decided to fake an orgasm. Let’s just say I got caught and I’m never trying that again. Whatever the situation is, I’ll just talk things through with my wife.
From research and listening to these stories, it is obvious that most men that have faked orgasms did so because of the perceived need or pressure to perform and impress their partners.
While we have successfully pushed the wrong stereotype that sex is a destination (that must feature orgasms), it is important to know that the beauty of it is in the journey.
A journey that is best enjoyed when devoid of the unnecessary pressure of orgasmic expectations. We should approach it with the mindset of connecting and sharing intimate moments with our partners, bonding with them and having fun whilst giving/receiving pleasure.
If you get an orgasm or multiple in the process, good for you and if you don’t, no hard feelings! (This goes both ways).
In the case of erectile dysfunction, there’s no shame in speaking out and getting help. The solution might be simpler and closer than you think. Plus, a problem shared is a problem solved.
For more tips and interesting conversations about your sexual health, join our “Sex and Intimacy” community on Fusion and thank me later.
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