Once upon a time, we all had to wear full outfits to work. A dark age; where trousers were mandatory, and nobody dared to join a meeting from their bed. Then came COVID, the Great Equalizer, teaching us that professionalism is really just a well-angled camera and the ability to keep a straight face while wearing pajamas.
Now, virtual meetings and events are the new normal, and you’re expected to host one like you actually have your life together. But who said you have to be fully dressed to look professional? With the right tricks, you can command authority while sitting in your boxers, turning semo, or even scrolling TikTok under the table.
Here’s how:
1. The ‘Business on Top, Chaos Below’ Formula
This is the golden rule. Always dress professionally only from the waist up. Nobody needs to know that beneath that crisp white shirt is a pair of old basketball shorts with holes in places you don’t want to discuss.
However, this genius trick comes with a strict warning: DO NOT stand up mid-meeting. Many careers have ended because of an accidental underwear reveal. If you must get up, do so with the stealth of a ninja or, better yet, just accept your fate and sit in one spot like a glued mannequin.
2. The ‘I Swear My WiFi Is Bad’ Strategy
Did you forget about the virtual meeting? Are you currently at a buka devouring amala and goat meat instead of being at your desk? No worries. Simply join the meeting, stare blankly into the camera for a few seconds, then say, “Hello? Can you hear me? My network is bad, let me reconnect.”
Then leave. Disappear. Vanish into the digital abyss. Everyone will assume you’re fighting demons with your service provider when in reality, you’re just not ready to be responsible.
Warning: This trick should not be overused, or you may get permanently assigned to taking minutes as punishment.
3. Background Magic: Make It Look Like You Live in Ikoyi, Not Your Family House in Agege
Your background says a lot about you. And by that, I mean: lie.
- If your real-life background consists of an unmade bed, a pile of laundry, or an annoying sibling walking around in a towel, invest in a virtual background. Choose something classy, like a fancy home library or a minimalist office setup (bonus points if it looks like you have floor-to-ceiling windows and a breathtaking skyline).
- If you’re feeling dramatic, use the fake “BBC News Live” background so it looks like you’re about to deliver breaking news.
- Or, if all else fails, blur that mess out. Nobody needs to see that plastic chair you inherited from your great-grandmother.
4. The ‘Strategic Mute & Nod’ Technique
When hosting a virtual meeting, people expect you to actually talk, but why waste energy? If the event has multiple speakers, the Strategic Mute & Nod technique is your best friend.
- Nod like you’re deeply contemplating world peace.
- Occasionally unmute yourself just to say, “That’s a great point, actually.”
- If someone asks you a direct question you weren’t paying attention to, say, “I was actually about to bring that up.” Then confidently repeat what the last person said but with slight modifications.
This is how true professionals operate.
5. The ‘Suspiciously Perfect Lighting’ Hack
Good lighting makes you look like a high-value human being. Bad lighting makes you look like a suspect in a true crime documentary. The trick? Face a window or, if necessary, steal all the bulbs in your house and surround yourself like you’re a YouTuber about to drop an apology video.
If you’re feeling extra, invest in a ring light, but do not sit too close, or you’ll look like an angel descending from heaven. Find balance. Let the light caress your face gently, not blind your audience.
6. How to Sound Like You Know What You’re Doing (Even If You Don’t)
Your voice carries power, but also, your voice can betray you. If you sound unsure, people will sense it, and suddenly, you’ll go from “event host” to “guy we’re all ignoring.” Here’s how to sound like the CEO at your virtual meeting:
- Start every sentence with, “From my experience…” even if your experience is just watching a YouTube tutorial five minutes before the event.
- If someone disagrees with you, hit them with a “That’s a very interesting perspective, but let’s look at the bigger picture.” Nobody will know what you mean, but you’ll sound intelligent.
- When in doubt, just say “We’ll circle back to that.” It buys you time and gives the illusion of control.
7. If You Have No Clue What You’re Doing, Share Your Screen and Confuse Everyone
There is nothing more powerful than a well-timed “Let me quickly share my screen.”
- Open a Google Doc filled with vague notes.
- Move your cursor around like you’re highlighting something important.
- Say things like, “As you can see here…” even if nobody knows what they’re supposed to be seeing.
- Occasionally sigh deeply and say, “Ignore that tab, I was working on something earlier.”
By the time you stop sharing, people will be too confused to question you.
At the end of the day, the real secret to hosting a professional virtual event is simple: confidence. It doesn’t matter if your shirt is wrinkled, your background is a well-curated lie, or your internet connection is one WhatsApp call away from betraying you.
With the right mix of strategic nodding, dramatic lighting, and the ability to say nothing with authority, you too can run a successful virtual event while chilling in your boxers, turning semo, or binge-watching Netflix on the side.
Now, go forth and host like a pro. And remember, if all else fails, just blame your internet.
Got a virtual meeting or physical event coming up soon? Create, manage, and promote your event on Fusion using the Event creation feature. You can track attendee data, receive payments (for paid events), and advertise your event to get more attendees.
